Blacks in The Sunken Place (and the White Men That Won Them at Auction)

Horrific Teacups

After being greeted by sold out theaters all over Atlanta during the film’s opening weekend, I was finally able to see the movie Get Out a few days ago. I thought the film was a triumph and incredibly original which is welcome in a time when studios would rather give you Fast and Furious 37: Revving and Reckoning, and Smurfs 8: The Payback of Azrael or (name your Hollywood sequel series here…)

In the few days since seeing the movie I’ve been extra, mega “woke” as the kids in them streets say. Without spoiling much for anyone who may not have seen the flick, I no longer have any tea equipment in the house, no kettles, cups or saucers, there is one spoon in the house that is used only for my morning Frosted Flakes, and I sold my Keurig on Ebay last night. I KEEP my earbuds on at work, at the gym, at the mall, at Bible study; if it sounds like a bell or chime of any sort I ain’t trying to hear that isht. But mainly, in my heightened state of Wokeness I am now aware of the countless other brothers and sisters who were told to sink and are dwelling in The Sunken Place. In the past day or two I’ve thought of some of these people and compiled a short list of not only who amongst our former brothers and sisters is in The Sunken Place, but who bought them at auction and is currently “driving the car”. Continue reading

Categories: Humor, movies, So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Fear The Walking Atlanta Sports Fan

falcon-zombie

I was slow to warm to the show The Walking Dead initially. It seemed nothing more than an honorable band of individuals exhibiting feats of bravery and brutality while staving off the flesh-thirsty zombie horde out to make a meal of their arms, legs, or whatever other body parts their rapidly rotting molars could sink into. The show was about 3.5 seasons when I started watching and it wasn’t long before I was a fan of the show, not a hardcore fanatic – I’m not online the moment an episode ends looking for theories nor am I in the bookstores sitting cross legged in the aisles flipping through every TWD graphic novel – but a fan nonetheless. As a person that needs to have things ironed out and tied up in a nice little bow in the shows I watch, the main issue that I have with the show is that I have no idea of the origin of the show’s apocalypse, dude just woke up one day and the country was just overrun with these things out and eat and maim. For years this bothered me, even as I watched and enjoyed the twists and turns of the show, I needed to know where this virus, this plague, originated. Little did I know that the origin story was aired on Fox last Sunday night ahead of the TWD midseason premiere coming up on the February 12th.

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Atlanta Heads West…All of Us.

Atlanta Falcons Fans

Dear Citizens of Houston:

Hello friends, I bring you greetings from the proud, oft traffic snarled, city of Atlanta. I wanted to reach out to you this week because I’ve been to Houston several times over the last 20 years or so and I like you guys, a lot actually. I needed to alert you that although you’re experiencing beautiful late January weather, a storm is coming your way. If you still yourself and lean your good ear to the east you’ll hear the faint sound of suitcases zipping shut, vehicle engines starting, and the faint strains of “Weee ready…Weee ready…Weee ready for y’all…” drifting in on an afternoon breeze.  It is a storm dressed in red and black, an Iceman its leader, and a bird of prey its symbol. We are indeed ready; it is the intent of this letter writer to make sure that the fair city of Houston is ready as well. Below you will find a number of items that I hope will prove helpful for the onslaught, I mean, arrival of Atlanta residents to your fair city.

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Categories: Atlanta, Sports, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Beware! The Beyhive Cometh…

I REALLY HAD SOMETHING PRINCE RELATED lined up to write about tAngry Beesoday but I’ll shelve that for a day or so; I feel compelled to jump on another subject of note from this weekend and that subject is this: The only thing funnier than people repeatedly criticizing Beyoncé’s work (and it’s generally pretty damn good work) is the horde of Beyoncé fans that feel the need to unnecessarily come to her rescue.

I’ve talked about the group known as the Beyhive, the fiercely loyal group indelibly tied to Mrs. Knowles-Carter, before here on my little space on the internet. Once upon a time Wu Tang Clan had the monopoly on Killer Bees. No longer, they’ve been usurped by the “beys” of a different spelling. These span from teenagers to grown-the-hell-up-ass women. They are all colors. They are male and female. They are at every show. And they want your blood if you even think a solitary negative thought about Beyoncé.

All of your blood.

Now there’s really no need to get into the whole Rachel Ray fiasco at this point because it’s well documented how some misguided, and obviously not quite reading at grade level, members of the ‘Hive came hunting for her and were on her Instagram cussing out pictures of food and recipes. I can only assume that Ms. Ray was left shivering in a corner and after ripping all the Ethernet cables out of her computers and throwing her WiFi router in the pool out back after being verbally berated after simply wanting to break y’all off with some warm and flaky buttermilk biscuits.

giphy

My question though is simply, “Why?”

I understand fandom. Really I do. Back in the day I was a devoted member of Friends of Janet when that was a thing. Before I was a FOJ, I was a Janet Jackson fanatic dating back to the TV show, “Fame”, and “Diff’rent  Strokes” before that…and “Good Times” before that. I did the fan meetups, the special ticket promos that got me seats close enough to the stage to get Janet sweat on my shirt, and got all the cool Janet swag – the tee shirts, the hats, and the buttons and if I didn’t get all I was supposed to get, I was on the internet as fast as my dial up connection would allow to get all my isht because if I’m sitting second row center Janet might get a glimpse of me and she needed to see that I had all my Janet buttons.  I get devotion and the occasional desire to rally but I don’t remember people coming for other people’s necks; it’s different with the Beyoncé fans. They tend to go full Game of Thrones on these folk, riding in on dragons barefoot wearing full length ball gowns brandishing Louisville Sluggers just like their hero on the latest video for the night is dark and full of Beyhive members! They out here on Twitter standing sentinel like modern day S1W’s (Public Enemy reference, look it up) just waiting on someone to talk reckless so they can get to twirling and slaying on these folk via keyboard and they won’t rest until the Twitter mentions of the offending party looks like 10 minutes after Hiroshima and there’s been a full write up of the massacre on all the major entertainment blogs. But why though? Why?

Are there ticket prizes for the most brutal Hive member? Is there a pecking order amongst the group that one virtually ascends when they defend the Queen’s honor successfully? After a computer based flawless victory against a Bey naysayer do you get to hang with Solange and Beyoncé at a brunch that’s nwhyow has to be hosted by Bobby Flay instead of Rachel Ray because she’s STILL afraid to come out of the house? Why, why, why the need to defend so heavily? Because, while I don’t know much about Beyoncé, I’m pretty sure that she takes the time occasionally to giggle her pretty ass off about all of it. I’m certain that she’s amused that she has her very own Knights of the Round Beyhive out here in these streets jousting on her behalf while she is likely lying in the middle of her living room floor making snow angels in $100 bills. Why? Why? Why? I’m sure there’s reasoning for it, I’m also sure that whatever that reason is, it isn’t necessary because while people are out here Hunting For Haters all she doing is cashing more checks, making more videos, and becoming even more of an icon – all of which she can do without people committing internet murder via social media. Even still though, if you’ve got answers I’m interested to know what that’s about.

And I’m asking with all respect because I see how y’all do out here. I’m not trying to come up missing behind a blog post on a little read slice of the internet machine.

With love,

Skrap

 

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Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, Humor, So Incredibly Random, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Beyonce Knows Timing is Money…

beyonce-moneyThe rich are and stay rich for several reasons, one of the most important being that they are opportunistic. Wildly successful people have a penchant for striking when the iron is hot and rarely missing a chance to maximize on an opportunity. Timing is key when it comes to high achievement. Megastar Beyonce Knowles is a 1-A example of this, her life as we know it know is due to repeated occurrences of doing the right thing at the right time.

She had to know when to rid herself of the other two members of Destiny’s Child (a.k.a Beyonce ‘n Nem), she had to connect herself with the right guy at the right time (Jay Z) to start a family empire in addition to her singular one. And of course the perfect example of her timing that took place just over a week ago on flat screen TVs across this nation and world. Not the release of the “Formation” video and subsequent next day performance of the song at the Super Bowl that spurred joy, loathing, admiration, protests, and a spike in Red Lobster stock; this is something else.

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Categories: So Incredibly Random, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cam Newton and the Podium Debacle

Cam

THERE ARE LOTS of good takes on either side regarding Cam Newton’s emotional post game actions last night at the podium. Personally, I’ll just go out here and say I thought it was a weak move on his part.

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Categories: Sports | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

It’s You, Not Me, Falcons.

It's You

**gathers all the Atlanta Falcons in a room and closes the door quietly**

You know what, guys? Enough.

No more.

I give.

I’ve been a fan of you guys for just about 34 years of my life. My Granddaddy loved y’all when you arrived in this city in 1966 until the day he left this Earth. My Dad loves y’all lamenting the woeful Falcon teams he was offered autumn after autumn… and I love y’all, honest I do, but on the real, I’m tired.

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Categories: Atlanta, Relationships, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Icemageddon Atlanta On Deck

You think for a MOMENT that Mayor of Atlanta, Kasim Reed, and Georgia Governor, Nathan Deal, are gonna chance being the butt of about a trillion more media jokes, have our city hilariously dragged by Jon Stewart on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, or have the state’s citizens lightly mocked again by Saturday Night Live? You think they’re about chancing all that mess again? Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grocery Stores and the Apocalypse

At this moment as I sit here in Atlanta and type to you it is 51 degrees. The sky is overcast but the day is pleasant. There is a gentle breeze blowing outside, a bird is singing its song to anyone that will listen; I can hear the dog in the backyard barking loudly at something, more than likely the bird that I just told you about. However two miles away there is another land, one brewing with worry and strife; its people are panicked and its streets are packed. That land is called Kroger. Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Humor, So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

10.7.13: Worst Sports Night Ever

Here Lies Atlanta Sports

I’d felt this kind of dread before. It was the icy morning of the NFC Divisional Playoff a few years ago when the Falcons hosted the Green Bay Packers in the Georgia Dome. The dread was real, palpable, and there was no doubt in my mind that the same feeling sat heavy in the consciousness of every Atlanta sports fan in this city. Murphy’s Law was likely written and conceived in the city of Atlanta and on October 7th, 2013 there were a multitude of things that could, and ultimately did go wrong. This is the recap of the single worst sports day in the history of our solar system. Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Humor, Sports, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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