Attempts at Seriousness

Beware! The Beyhive Cometh…

I REALLY HAD SOMETHING PRINCE RELATED lined up to write about tAngry Beesoday but I’ll shelve that for a day or so; I feel compelled to jump on another subject of note from this weekend and that subject is this: The only thing funnier than people repeatedly criticizing Beyoncé’s work (and it’s generally pretty damn good work) is the horde of Beyoncé fans that feel the need to unnecessarily come to her rescue.

I’ve talked about the group known as the Beyhive, the fiercely loyal group indelibly tied to Mrs. Knowles-Carter, before here on my little space on the internet. Once upon a time Wu Tang Clan had the monopoly on Killer Bees. No longer, they’ve been usurped by the “beys” of a different spelling. These span from teenagers to grown-the-hell-up-ass women. They are all colors. They are male and female. They are at every show. And they want your blood if you even think a solitary negative thought about Beyoncé.

All of your blood.

Now there’s really no need to get into the whole Rachel Ray fiasco at this point because it’s well documented how some misguided, and obviously not quite reading at grade level, members of the ‘Hive came hunting for her and were on her Instagram cussing out pictures of food and recipes. I can only assume that Ms. Ray was left shivering in a corner and after ripping all the Ethernet cables out of her computers and throwing her WiFi router in the pool out back after being verbally berated after simply wanting to break y’all off with some warm and flaky buttermilk biscuits.


My question though is simply, “Why?”

I understand fandom. Really I do. Back in the day I was a devoted member of Friends of Janet when that was a thing. Before I was a FOJ, I was a Janet Jackson fanatic dating back to the TV show, “Fame”, and “Diff’rent  Strokes” before that…and “Good Times” before that. I did the fan meetups, the special ticket promos that got me seats close enough to the stage to get Janet sweat on my shirt, and got all the cool Janet swag – the tee shirts, the hats, and the buttons and if I didn’t get all I was supposed to get, I was on the internet as fast as my dial up connection would allow to get all my isht because if I’m sitting second row center Janet might get a glimpse of me and she needed to see that I had all my Janet buttons.  I get devotion and the occasional desire to rally but I don’t remember people coming for other people’s necks; it’s different with the Beyoncé fans. They tend to go full Game of Thrones on these folk, riding in on dragons barefoot wearing full length ball gowns brandishing Louisville Sluggers just like their hero on the latest video for the night is dark and full of Beyhive members! They out here on Twitter standing sentinel like modern day S1W’s (Public Enemy reference, look it up) just waiting on someone to talk reckless so they can get to twirling and slaying on these folk via keyboard and they won’t rest until the Twitter mentions of the offending party looks like 10 minutes after Hiroshima and there’s been a full write up of the massacre on all the major entertainment blogs. But why though? Why?

Are there ticket prizes for the most brutal Hive member? Is there a pecking order amongst the group that one virtually ascends when they defend the Queen’s honor successfully? After a computer based flawless victory against a Bey naysayer do you get to hang with Solange and Beyoncé at a brunch that’s nwhyow has to be hosted by Bobby Flay instead of Rachel Ray because she’s STILL afraid to come out of the house? Why, why, why the need to defend so heavily? Because, while I don’t know much about Beyoncé, I’m pretty sure that she takes the time occasionally to giggle her pretty ass off about all of it. I’m certain that she’s amused that she has her very own Knights of the Round Beyhive out here in these streets jousting on her behalf while she is likely lying in the middle of her living room floor making snow angels in $100 bills. Why? Why? Why? I’m sure there’s reasoning for it, I’m also sure that whatever that reason is, it isn’t necessary because while people are out here Hunting For Haters all she doing is cashing more checks, making more videos, and becoming even more of an icon – all of which she can do without people committing internet murder via social media. Even still though, if you’ve got answers I’m interested to know what that’s about.

And I’m asking with all respect because I see how y’all do out here. I’m not trying to come up missing behind a blog post on a little read slice of the internet machine.

With love,



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Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, Humor, So Incredibly Random, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Do That Thing!! :: A Monday Quick Hit Blog

“You study long, you study wrong.” Don’t spend all day looking at those cards!”

That was usually Kim, or Charles, or Will, or one of my other college friends yelling across the card table imploring me to play quickly instead of having lengthy deliberations with myself while playing spades, the card game that I spent more than a little time participating in while a student at Georgia Southern (go Eagles). The view of my fellow card players was that little about the circumstances in my hand were going to change. The cards I held weren’t going to transform to something else so sitting there poring over the cards was going to do nothing but hold up the process for the others waiting to play, so play already! Continue reading

Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, College Years, Encouragement, Relationships | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Answer Your Call

IF YOU’RE A MUSIC LOVER LIKE ME there’s no better place to be than in the front row. There are few adjectives to accurately describe the energy of having your favorite musician or singer right there in person mere feet from where you sit. A few days ago I attended a show featuring one of my favorite artists, the phenomenal Frank McComb. My seat was close enough for me to rest my feet on the stage while the show was going on; it was also near enough to Mr. McComb that he heard me singing along with one of my favorite songs when he broke into it near the beginning of his set. Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Attempts at Seriousness, Music | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The Clock Is Ticking

“On everything that you start in life there is a timer. Knowing that time is ticking we should probably get to it, huh?” -Me

I POSTED THAT LITTLE QUOTED FACTOID to my Last Native Facebook page on Saturday. While I get little lightning bolts of cool things to say and post from time to time I can’t say that I completely came up with this one on my own. I was given an assist by the man I like to call “The Coolest White Man To Ever Walk The Earth” and that, of course, is the man known as Sting. I came to know of Sting and The Police at a very young age and knew that he was no ordinary White guy. Some rockers seemed to be abstract just for the sake of being so but Sting, even when his songwriting tried to be mysterious, made plenty of sense to me. On Saturday when I found myself listening to one of my favorite Sting songs, “Seven Days” from the album “Ten Summoner’s Tales”, over and over and over again last Saturday afternoon the message of time struck a chord with me. There’s a large lesson in that tune’s incredible rhythmic timing, but like most good messages, they most often go unheeded. Continue reading

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Awaken Your Try

I REALLY WANTED TO BE an architect as a kid; I went through more sketch pads than I can count drawing all sorts of buildings. I had books as a 9-10 year old about skyscraper architecture, I was especially fond of John Portman who designed some of the more iconic buildings of the Atlanta skyline; to this day I still giggle at the notion that I was interested in John Portman when the rest of my friends were outside playing stickball. I drew buildings a lot, often mimicking designs from my skyscraper books but mostly I drew stadiums. I drew domed stadiums, open air stadiums, stadiums with elaborate parking decks, somewhere in a sketch pad at about 12 years old I drew a retractable roof football stadium long before there were any retractable roof football stadiums as there are now. I drew college stadiums complete with special seating areas and walkways for the marching bands, I drew pro football stadiums for fictional football teams called the Sharks and the Mudcats with ridiculously large video screens and upwards of 8-9 tiers of seats. I drew stadiums that sat on banks of rivers and stadiums built into the base of mountains. I drew lots and lots of stadiums, I’d like to venture a guess that I would go through 3-4 sketch pads every summer, 80% of each of them was some form of sports venue. I knew that when I got older I was going to design those things for a living, that those stadiums would jump off the page and into some city someplace and real people would file in and out of the gates that I drew and that they would watch touchdowns and enjoy fireworks like that ones I’d depicted in colored pencil and marker. I desperately wanted to design stadiums and buildings when I grew up but something happened along the way. Math happened. Continue reading

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Don’t Lose Your Lion

LAST WEEK I did something I hadn’t done since I was 19, I went to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Bailey Circus. A lot has changed since the last time I went to the circus back in the early 90s but the core of the circus is always the same: Clowns, overpriced snow cones, and a ringmaster in a long sequined coat to sing and dance you through what’s happening. Like my father, I’m a bit of a nature nut so more than anything I was looking forward to seeing the big cats in the center ring, there’s something about lions and tigers that bring out the little kid in me. However when the spotlight hit the cage in the middle of the Philips Arena floor something didn’t quite seem right, there were big cats there sure enough but they looked less like the majestic and regal creatures they are and they looked more like, well, big furry people metaphors. Let me explain…

I don’t speak lion, or tiger for that matter, they don’t sell that package in Rosetta Stone. I can, however, tell you without shadow of a doubt that the four tigers, four lionesses, and one great big male lion had some feelings of disdain for Alexander the circus lion tamer Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Attempts at Seriousness | Tags: , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Birthday Blog: Reasons to Smile

birthdayI’ve been told several times in my life that I smile too much. That I laugh too loudly. That anyone that smiles as much as I do must either be soft or not to be trusted.

I never knew what to say to those pointed statements. The first time I heard it I was in college; a buddy of mine was introducing me to one of his friends that lived in his dorm. He flat out said that he didn’t trust me, I smiled too much, and he walked away. After that, I tried to carry around the seemingly obligatory Black man “mean mug” forcing a scowl in every circumstance regardless of the setting but I always seemed to fail, my urge to smile and the enjoyment of hearing my own laugh always seemed to win out. It certainly kept me out of the cool circles in college but I managed. Continue reading

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7 Days to Birthday: Perspective

It’s that time of year again, that’s right, we’re swiftly approaching the anniversary of the day that I discovered America! Given that I make it another 7 days, I will say goodbye to another year and start over with another one. I’ve started to notice that birthdays start to morph into something else as you get older. There used to be a time that birthdays were looked at with great excitement, you begged your Mom for a party at ShowBiz Pizza (old school, I know) somewhere around age 9-10, then you looked forward to 13 so you could be grown (in your crazy kid mind), then 16 so you could finally get behind the wheel of that car, then 18 because you’re a freshman in college and you think you’re grown (in your crazy kid mind), then 21 because you can throw away that fake ID and buy a bottle of your own and so on… Continue reading

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Real Talk on Halloween

I was talking to a friend the other day and the subject of Halloween came up in conversation after discussing how seemingly all the Moms in Atlanta were infiltrating my favorite Kroger and clogging up the candy aisle when all I wanted to do was get in, buy some paper towels on the adjacent aisle and get out of there. Her response to me was that “they ought to be shamed for even participating in that devil worship disguising it with candy.” Hmmmm. Continue reading

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Issues of Importance – The 2012 Election

Before I get started with the subject matter for the day I’d like to inform you all that “THE OUTFIT” is now 6-0. Just an update on that important subject matter first talked about HERE. A made 55 yard field goal with five seconds remaining for the win? I’m just sayin’.


As it always is with election season you have candidates that do their best to pander to the masses in order to get votes so they can sit in a big chair someplace behind a big desk to be about the business of forgetting to commit to all the promises they swore to keep while they were at your church/community center/soup kitchen the prior 6 months. Of course since I’m a Black dude, I find myself in a demographic that’s constantly being preached to as to how my plight is understood and how my pain is felt and, recently, how the economy can be made more equal for me as a Black dude in the Black community.

Now, strengthening the economy is a huge deal for Black dudes and non-Black dudes alike but I have more pressing issues than job creation and the return of manufacturing to our nation’s great shores. So I have put together the Skrapdiggy Platform, all of the things that I need to see done to make my, and a good number of my Black brethren’s lives better. Without further ado, I present that list to you in the form of the questions that I would ask at a debate that I hope to monitor within the next couple of weeks. Continue reading

Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, Humor, So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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