This sermon brought to you by the fact that I’m an Atlanta Braves fan, a life long Baptist church member, and that I have far too much idle time on my hands once I get off work some evenings.
**organ music plays**
Brothers and sisters, earlier this evening we got the news that our beloved brother Chipper Jones of our once great but now mightily struggling Atlanta Braves was an overwhelming pick to be one of four new members of baseball’s 2018 Hall of Fame class. Brother Chipper manned third base, the hot corner, for the majority of his 19-year career in major league baseball, all of which was spent with the Atlanta Braves.
[A tambourine shakes in the congregation]
Brother Jones was the #1 pick in the 1990 Major League draft and after spending some time in the minor leagues came to Atlanta in 1995 and became an instant star. Now I can go on and on about how the Lord blessed Chipper with the ability to hit with equal skill from the left or right side of the plate – even though everyone knows he had more pop from the left side.
[AMENS from the congregation]
We could talk about his .364 batting average that won him a batting title or his 1999 National League MVP
[“SAY IT, PREACHA!”, from the Deacon on the 2nd Row]
Or we could talk about how the Lord used him to systematically and oft times single-handedly dismantle the Satan-led tribe called the New York Mets.
I was slow to warm to the show The Walking Dead initially. It seemed nothing more than an honorable band of individuals exhibiting feats of bravery and brutality while staving off the flesh-thirsty zombie horde out to make a meal of their arms, legs, or whatever other body parts their rapidly rotting molars could sink into. The show was about 3.5 seasons when I started watching and it wasn’t long before I was a fan of the show, not a hardcore fanatic – I’m not online the moment an episode ends looking for theories nor am I in the bookstores sitting cross legged in the aisles flipping through every TWD graphic novel – but a fan nonetheless. As a person that needs to have things ironed out and tied up in a nice little bow in the shows I watch, the main issue that I have with the show is that I have no idea of the origin of the show’s apocalypse, dude just woke up one day and the country was just overrun with these things out and eat and maim. For years this bothered me, even as I watched and enjoyed the twists and turns of the show, I needed to know where this virus, this plague, originated. Little did I know that the origin story was aired on Fox last Sunday night ahead of the TWD midseason premiere coming up on the February 12th.
Categories: Atlanta, Humor, Sports
Tags: Atlanta, Braves, Falcons, Flames, Hawks, Patriots, Super Bowl LI, The Walking Dead, Thrashers, Winnipeg, Zombies
Dear Citizens of Houston:
Hello friends, I bring you greetings from the proud, oft traffic snarled, city of Atlanta. I wanted to reach out to you this week because I’ve been to Houston several times over the last 20 years or so and I like you guys, a lot actually. I needed to alert you that although you’re experiencing beautiful late January weather, a storm is coming your way. If you still yourself and lean your good ear to the east you’ll hear the faint sound of suitcases zipping shut, vehicle engines starting, and the faint strains of “Weee ready…Weee ready…Weee ready for y’all…” drifting in on an afternoon breeze. It is a storm dressed in red and black, an Iceman its leader, and a bird of prey its symbol. We are indeed ready; it is the intent of this letter writer to make sure that the fair city of Houston is ready as well. Below you will find a number of items that I hope will prove helpful for the onslaught, I mean, arrival of Atlanta residents to your fair city.
THERE ARE LOTS of good takes on either side regarding Cam Newton’s emotional post game actions last night at the podium. Personally, I’ll just go out here and say I thought it was a weak move on his part.
**gathers all the Atlanta Falcons in a room and closes the door quietly**
You know what, guys? Enough.
I’ve been a fan of you guys for just about 34 years of my life. My Granddaddy loved y’all when you arrived in this city in 1966 until the day he left this Earth. My Dad loves y’all lamenting the woeful Falcon teams he was offered autumn after autumn… and I love y’all, honest I do, but on the real, I’m tired.
Categories: Atlanta, Relationships, Sports
Tags: Atlanta, Defense, deion, Falcons, Fans, football, Georgia Dome, heartbreak, New, NFL, sanders, sports, stadium
I’d felt this kind of dread before. It was the icy morning of the NFC Divisional Playoff a few years ago when the Falcons hosted the Green Bay Packers in the Georgia Dome. The dread was real, palpable, and there was no doubt in my mind that the same feeling sat heavy in the consciousness of every Atlanta sports fan in this city. Murphy’s Law was likely written and conceived in the city of Atlanta and on October 7th, 2013 there were a multitude of things that could, and ultimately did go wrong. This is the recap of the single worst sports day in the history of our solar system. Continue reading
Categories: Atlanta, Humor, Sports, Uncategorized
Tags: Atlanta, Atlanta Braves, Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Flames, Atlanta Hawks, Atlanta Thrashers, MNF, NLDS, sports, worst night ever
For the first time in a while I spent a weekend out of the confines of metro Atlanta. Needed some time to reevaluate things and break away from the familiar for a while so I jumped in the car, pointed it northward, and got out of dodge. The road trip was kinda lengthy so there was plenty of time to for random thoughts and such. Some of which are listed for you below. Continue reading
Author’s Note: A few friends that frequent my blog asked what’s been going on with me lately? They said that I didn’t seem myself with all the encouragement and motivational type blogs that I’ve been up to lately, not that encouragement and motivation suck, but it is a departure from the material that usually occupies this space. I told them that I would attempt to find my way back to that type material so I give you today, a story about my near death experience. Obviously. -Skrap
I have yet to find a way to slow the calendar so birthdays continue to come but getting a little older doesn’t mean that I have to resign myself to feeling lethargic and heavy, right? At some point we have all looked at ourselves in a mirror and perhaps come to the realization we should take better care of ourselves. But then we get lazy and we find the our food better when its fried and before you know it two months have passed and we’ve still not managed to get our tails off the couch and onto a treadmill. It would be so simple if we just had the ability to decide to do better and then make better happen; most of us, though, need a severe kick in the hindquarters in order to get ourselves together. I got my wake up call during the final week of January of this year when I nearly died, kind of. Continue reading
Categories: Atlanta, Decatur Stories, Family, Humor, So Incredibly Random, Sports
Tags: dangerous, hair, Hair removal, healthy, manscaping, near-death, razor, Ron Jeremy, shaving, shower, weight loss
“When you believe in things that you don’t understand, then you suffer…” -Stevie Wonder
I’m a slave to sports. My TV is almost always on a channel with the letters ESPN in it. When I was a kid my father and I would use sports as an escape because, let’s face it, living in a house with three women (my Mom and two sisters) was a daunting proposition what with fluctuating estrogen levels and wavering emotional states. Since those escapes with my Dad long ago, sports has gained a much larger market share of my emotions, and apparently my brain, and if I don’t get a hold of myself, or the Atlanta Falcons don’t lose soon, I’m going to catch my end due to pneumonia. Okay, let me explain. Continue reading
Categories: Atlanta, Humor, So Incredibly Random, Sports
Tags: Atlanta, clothes, Falcons, football, Julio Jones, lucky, Master Ace, Matt Ryan, Mike Smith, Public Enemy, sports, Stevie Wonder, superstitions
The Olympics are inspiring. What began, for me anyway, as largely an exercise in boredom has begun to gain momentum in such a way that it is now a fixture on my television set. Strangely, my favorite event to watch has been rowing which is odd since I’ve never been on a boat that didn’t have Royal Caribbean written on the side. Water Polo is pretty cool in that no one is arrested after having tried to drown a person with a ball, and of course swimming is cool, not for the awesomeness that is Michael Phelps, but tuning in to see if anyone at all that swims in Lane 8 can finish anything better than last (Honestly, watch the Lane 8 swimmers, they are a missed breath away from drowning in the pool nearly every race). However, how could you not be captivated by the achievements of the women’s gymnastics team of the United States collectively winning the team gold and then having that followed up by an individual gold medal by brand spanking new American sweetheart, Gabrielle Douglas.
Oh, and about Gabrielle. Continue reading