Posts Tagged With: Church

A Chipper Jones Inspired Sermon…

Boston Red Sox v Atlanta BravesThis sermon brought to you by the fact that I’m an Atlanta Braves fan, a life long Baptist church member, and that I have far too much idle time on my hands once I get off work some evenings.


**organ music plays**

Brothers and sisters, earlier this evening we got the news that our beloved brother Chipper Jones of our once great but now mightily struggling Atlanta Braves was an overwhelming pick to be one of four new members of baseball’s 2018 Hall of Fame class. Brother Chipper manned third base, the hot corner, for the majority of his 19-year career in major league baseball, all of which was spent with the Atlanta Braves.

[A tambourine shakes in the congregation]

Brother Jones was the #1 pick in the 1990 Major League draft and after spending some time in the minor leagues came to Atlanta in 1995 and became an instant star. Now I can go on and on about how the Lord blessed Chipper with the ability to hit with equal skill from the left or right side of the plate – even though everyone knows he had more pop from the left side.

[AMENS from the congregation]

We could talk about his .364 batting average that won him a batting title or his 1999 National League MVP

[“SAY IT, PREACHA!”, from the Deacon on the 2nd Row]

Or we could talk about how the Lord used him to systematically and oft times single-handedly dismantle the Satan-led tribe called the New York Mets.

Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Religion, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Church is Ruining The Theater…kinda

I had the opportunity last weekend to see one of my uber-talented friends, Kelsey ( perform in the stage play, What I Learned in Paris, written by renowned author Pearl Cleage. It was a fantastic play and I don’t say that because I know and once had a monstrous crush on Kelsey (that I disguised by inviting myself over to her house to play Super Mario Brothers on a near weekly basis when we were in high school), but because it was a fabulous production. The 75% that I was able to concentrate on was among the best times I’ve ever had in theater. Why only 75%? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Continue reading

Categories: Atlanta, Attempts at Seriousness, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Chick-Fil-A and the Simpleton…

“…it’s just like voting, if you don’t vote then you have no right to complain about what happens in the next four years. In this case, if you don’t stand up for the right for gay people to get married then you should just shut up when they come for you next. ”        

-quote from one of the 1,349,712 Facebook threads I’ve read on the Chick Fil A fiasco


Unless you’ve been in a coma for the last few weeks, or bitten by a zombie and just awakened recently in your new, brain eating state you know about the clusterf*ck that is the Chick-Fil-A debate. A week or so ago when this whole thing went nuclear holocaust after Dan Cathy’s comments broke about his stance on marriage I admit that I didn’t get it so I posted something to that effect – I don’t get it – on my Facebook page where, for the next several hours I feared for the server stability at the Facebook offices at the rate and amount of words posted in response. However, I did walk away from that debate with knowledge of the root of the problem; that it wasn’t about his right to say what he said that day, rather, it was about the profits of Chick-Fil-A, some of which went to organizations that are allegedly hate groups…specifically LGBT hate groups. And I got that, and was happy with my learning and information. Continue reading

Categories: So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments

High Five Your Neighbor…or don’t

Hey all! First and foremost, I ain’t talking about your Pastor; I’m talking about that other dude. There, there’s my disclaimer…

I’m a Church kid to my core, my earliest memory is being dragged to choir rehearsal at about age 4 or 5 when I’d rather have been playing in the yard with my friends; then dragged to church meeting on Wednesday nights when I wanted to stay home and watch TV, then dragged to my mother’s choir rehearsals on Saturday nights because that’s where everybody else was. Most my memories as a kid are of being dragged to some church function against my will. But as I got into my teens I began to love church and all that it represented for me and my family, the friends that I started to make there, and the developing teenage girls that sang in the choir with me. More than anything though, yes even the developing teenage girls, was the nuances of all the things that made up the Black Church experience. The ushers, the deacons, marching around for offering (does everybody do that?), and Call and Response…especially Call and Response.

It is common knowledge that Black preachers need to hear back from their congregation early and often throughout the sermon. If you want to get on your pastor’s bad side let him see you sitting quietly in the pew while he’s going in on a sermon; I bet your choir won’t get that extra loot to go on that bus trip to the Outlet Mall this summer. Honestly though, for the good of your pastor’s ego, not to mention pumping him up so he wraps up in time for the 1:00pm kickoff, you need to get with the preacher in order for him to, as my mother likes to say, “Get on ‘cross the field and finish that sermon”. Somewhere though in the not too distant past, some congregation didn’t get the memo and they sat quietly, probably for a couple of Sundays in a row despite the preacher’s best efforts, and something had to be done. “What can I do to engage these people”, thought that frustrated preacher. And then it came to him, “If they won’t talk to me, I’ll make them talk to each other”. So he likely tried it that Sunday and it went well but it was still lacking a little punch, so then he thought, “Talking to one another was good but it needs something else”, then, “Physical interaction! That’s it!” And thus began the “High Five Your Neighbor” era.

Now if you’ve never been to a Black church before you may not know what it is I’m talking about. Basically it’s when a preacher turns his congregation into Ecclesiastical “hype men”, first by telling the gathered flock “High five your neighbor…” and then following that up with a statement punctuating the point he just made. Example:

“High five your neighbor and tell them God is gonna make a way for you!”

Harmless enough, right? Problem is there was probably a preacher there that was visiting from another church and he said, “Hey! That’s great!” and took it back to his congregation, then one of his boys from across town saw him do it on the DVD so he borrowed it, then a visiting preacher in his pulpit saw it…and so on and so on. By the time the act swept across the country, preachers had gone from one high five to something like…

“Now go high five 7 people and tell them that your breakthrough is coming, your family will all be well, your prayers are heard, restoration is right around the corner, maybe next Tuesday, and that you will have financial increase so your Rottweiler can have Iams food instead of Kroger brand.”

…not only have you forgotten all that by the time you get to the third person but by the time you’ve finished 15 minutes have passed. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but only by a little bit, but what probably started as a harmless attempt to engage a congregation morphed into a way to get other people to do your job…which is to engage the people. I’ll stop short of saying that it’s performance acting, but it’s dangerously close.

It’s very much like Steve Harvey said in The Original Kings of Comedy about rappers. 90% of rap concerts are the worst; a bunch of dudes with microphones screaming out instructions to the audience…

“Throw your hands in the air…”

“Say make money money, make money money money…”

“All the ladies in the house say ‘owwww’…”

“All the brothas in the house say hooooo…”

…and this goes on for the whole show and at the end you realize that you said more than the dude you paid the ticket to see. But then you see a real eMCee on stage that is able to command a crowd with nothing more than his music and a microphone without the rest of the histrionics and you say to yourself, “hmmm, that was a better show than the one with all the audience participation.”

Now, this comes from a dude raised in a traditional Baptist church notorious for not varying too far from the script as far as church services go. There used to be a time that sending an appropriately timed “Amen” or a “Hallelujah!” up was about the extent of crowd participation. And I know that in this age of attention deficit disorder sometimes a preacher might have to go to certain lengths to engage some folk; however I think that person in the pulpit should be able to drive a message without having parishioners search out 5 people to fist bump 4 times per sermon.

Perhaps it’s a new millennium attempt to inject a measure of cool into church service for people that weren’t raised going to Church on Sundays. Perhaps it’s an updated show of the joy that all people should and ought to have. And maybe, just maybe it’s all a legitimate effort to punctuate a point and not just a show. At the end of the day though, it’s about the Word in that book and not the gimmicks you wrap around it and certainly not how many people chest bump in the aisles. I ain’t no preacher nor do I profess to want to be one but I do know one thing, when I die and get to the gates I’m pretty sure the first question I’m asked will not be, “how many people did you high five on the first Sunday in February?”

Unless St. Peter has a really great sense of humor.

~thanks for reading

Skrap is a life long Baptist, still enjoys going to church, and no longer digs on the girls in the choir because they’ve all got children at this point, plus Church relationships ain’t really a good look in the first place. If you or someone you know has been offended by his High Five rant, you or someone you know should stop being so serious. 🙂

Join the party at:


Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , | 5 Comments

Blog at