Posts Tagged With: God

The Realest Sh*t I Ever Wrote…

I’ve been bouncing around the idea of writing this blog for about two and a half months but didn’t want to because I didn’t want anyone thinking that I was some head case here, plus it totally goes against the grain of what is usually a very lighthearted blog space here. But after choir rehearsal tonight I feel kinda compelled to share; the internet is funny in that it’s so interconnected (kinda the point) that people can trip over stuff without even trying. Hopefully someone that is in a similar frame of mind now that I was in then can be helped in the off chance they trip here…that’s my prayer anyway.

**ADDENDUM – This story tells a story of me some time ago, I’m great now. I promise; you guys can stop texting, calling and asking to come over. LOL

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In May 2012 America, and football fans particularly, were met with the news that former NFL All Pro, former collegiate All American, and all around good guy, Junior Seau was found dead due to a self inflicted gunshot wound. In conversations that I had with friends in regards to that event the main question that was asked was simply, “Why?” Continue reading

Categories: Attempts at Seriousness | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

The Ease of a Convenience Store God

Hey all, sorry for that whole no posts in nearly a month thing.
 
The more I think about God the more I think that He’s incredibly tired of humanity. I mean, sometimes I think He sits up there and grimaces, slumped over in the throne, face in His hands exasperated at the far too occasional stupidity of His human creations far below thinking to Himself, “I really should have stopped when I created those lions and tigers; that’s what I get for being greedy.” This is the visual that I got of God when I was listening to the radio and heard about another dumb athlete saying something incredibly dumb after doing something insanely dumb, this time it was Caleb King, a running back at the University of Georgia – once considered Tailback University but now more apt to be the place for talented football players to play average football and then get arrested in the off season – who was deemed academically ineligible for Fall semester and thus ending what was a poor college career considering the fanfare he received when he entered UGA as a “student-athlete” (LOL at that term). After getting the news that he was ineligible he went to the dumb athlete megaphone, Twitter, and let off with this comedy…
 
“Somethings u cant control, and what seems bad right now might turn out good. Too [sic] all of my homeboyz hold UGA down don’t let them brake [sic] u…”
 
Later he wrote: “I see u when I see u. U cant stress about it Just let God take control.
 
Now I’m gonna let you giggle at that tweet in its entirety once you come to the realization that it came from a COLLEGE SENIOR enrolled in what people consider the most prestigious and sought after university in the state of Georgia, meanwhile, some kid with a 2000 SAT and 3.4 high school GPA is on the waiting list…anyway.  The part of this madness we will focus on is that which is italicized and bolded. That stuff about just letting God take control. Comical. Not in the sense that letting God have control of your life is a bad thing; but in the sense that you fly a plane into the side of a mountain and then step away from the flaming wreckage and THEN say, “Here God, you can have control of this sumabitch now.” In Caleb’s defense it’s not just him. How many athletes, public figures and regular ol’ folk have you seen get into some kind of trouble and then in a play for public sympathy or to sway overall general opinion they find God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, or some combination of listed deities to lessen the heat? Now, as long as you’re topside of the ground it’s never too late to find your place in God but I’m here to promote the idea of the pre-emptive strike.
 
Perhaps, Caleb would be putting on that red UGA jersey and playing this fall instead of watching on the couch like me had he let God take control of his study habits?
 
Or…
 
Perhaps Mike Vick wouldn’t have done fed time and lost two and a half years of his career for money laundering and the like had he “found God” prior to his mental brain farts.
 
Okay dumb athlete/public figure/regular ol’ person…don’t go flashing your “Only God Can Judge Me” tattoo that you have on your bicep, chest and/or back. I ain’t here to judge you, I’m only here to bring light to the fact that you shouldn’t be using God as some Ecclesiastical attorney to be called on in the convenient moment that something in your life goes incredibly apesh*t and then, poof, there’s God for you to hold up like the Big Joker in a spades game. And, yeah, I know I ain’t perfect – no one is – but you have to be careful when you play the God card because now that you’ve played that way it lessens the public opinion of God when you ultimately nut up and do something stupid again…which almost always happens. People will be looking at TV and see a mugshot or a stupid quote or a camera phone video shot inside of a strip club and say, “Hey, didn’t God take control of that dude’s life about 6 months ago? What’s up with God nowadays?” See what I mean, dumb athlete/public figure/regular ol’ person? You want to avoid that because as the angels sing at the foot of the throne in Glory  you don’t want God  slumped in his chair with his face in his hand thinking that he should have stopped creation with the lions and tigers after seeing you cut the fool on ESPN!
 
If you play the card, live the card. I’m willing to bet that if you live by the mandates of your deity of choice you will feel compelled to not do those things that lead you to craziness and then in front of a camera and ultimately Twitter. My advice is just to say, “You know what, I messed up, I’ll do what I can in the future to stay out of trouble as much as I can.” But if you know you’re apt to do something nutty in the same calendar year, God’s PR people said to leave him out of it; He just got the news about PacMan Jones and Hines Ward and He’s popping aspirin knowing that one of them is going to mention something about how they “found God” or they are “allowing God to take over”.
 
Humans, have mercy…
 
~thanks for reading.
Categories: Atlanta, Humor, So Incredibly Random, Sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Open Letter To God – 2010 Edition

Hey God, what’s shakin’ –

When I was a kid one of the life lessons my mother told me was if I was going to ask you for something then I needed to be specific about my requests lest I end up with what I want under unusual circumstances. Remember last New Year’s Eve when I wrote down my wish for a new job? I probably should have told you I didn’t want to lose the one I had first then sit in unemployment hell for 7 months in order to get it. Point taken and lesson learned. So this year I’ll try to make this as poignant as I can in as simple way as I can so that this year nothing gets lost in translation. Sound good? Okay, cool.

There’s lots that I want for 2011, I’d love a new car, I’d love financial independence, I’d like a new house with a pool in the backyard or at least the ability to do some major tinkering to the one that I have. I’d really like to buy my Dad a car, I’d love to pay for my nieces’ grad school efforts and I’d really like to have the movie Inception on Blu-Ray(okay, that one is easy, I’ll take care of that one as You have other things to do). I’d like a new computer because I’ve just about killed the one that I have. I really want to lose 50 pounds and I really need to pull that guitar over there out of the corner and restart my lessons or I’ll never be able to play and woo some woman someday…and speaking of that.

I mean, I know you know the situation considering You’re up there looking at all the mess that goes on down this way so obviously you see the fact that I’m not the most adept when it comes to the fairer sex. I don’t think that it’s for lack of trying; I’m a good dude, perhaps too good for my own good. My friends down here say that “I’ll never get a woman because I’m simply too nice”. I guess that’s a burden that I’ll live with, You sent me down here to a good set of parents that taught me how to treat people so if being too nice is what’s going to keep me solo then I’ll deal with that…I guess.

Now I’m not going to come here and talk that “Woe is me, nobody likes me at all, goodbye cruel world” type mess because that won’t fly. It’s not that I don’t have dates or luck with women. I do. I’ve had some great ones come my way, even the ones whose names ended with “a”; but there was always something that went awry and things came off the tracks. But since Heaven’s switchboard is probably jammed packed at this point I’ll cut to the chase.

I just want an unconditional admiration. Not too much to ask right? I mean, you can relate with that because of the whole “No other gods before me” commandment you threw in there. And while I’m not speaking on terms that grandiose I do want a woman to look at me and say,

“That dude, I’ll ride with. No matter what. I’ll take his imperfections, the fact that he may snore a little, that he’s a little messy but will clean when prodded. I’ll endure his silly streaks and try not to choke him when he’s not paying full attention because he’s playing NBA Live on PlayStation. I’ll take the fact that he’s not a rich man or the consummate social butterfly I’ll take the fact that he no longer looks like the picture of the soccer player he was a few years ago that he keeps on the refrigerator as a reminder not to go for that second helping. I’ll take that dude as he is because I think he’s perfect the way he is. And we’ll have children, and a nice house on the corner, and I’ll smile when he’s sitting at his computer with our son balanced in his lap trying to write something impressive for his potential legion of fans because he’s mine and You sent him here for me specifically for me to love.”

That’s what I want a woman to say when she looks at me. She can be someone I’ve never met, she can be someone that I’ve known for years, or she can be someone that I’ve dated before. Just keep me away from the women that are extremely interested for two weeks or a month only switch field to say that they aren’t ready to date, then I see them out the next month with their new boyfriend or have someone tell me “hey you know that girl you were seeing that said you were moving too fast is pregnant by some dude, right?” Just set the right woman’s mental GPS for wherever I might be at the appointed time as I’m really exhausted with living a reverse Lifetime movie. Now, that said…

Fix me.

Primarily, fix me.

I am not so naïve to think that I am not in some way culpable for the shortcomings of my life and relationships, both romantically and platonic. You have to consider the common denominator in such cases and that common denominator is me. So, whatever it is about me, I just ask that you pull out Your tool kit and fix me and in the process shape me into the man that You envisioned me to be when You sent me here in the first place. Help me to be a more responsible, loving and caring person. Help me to consider others a little more thoughtfully. Help me, quite simply, to be a man worth loving. And when you’re done tinkering and shaping me up I’ll not only be worth loving but I’ll be ready to take on every challenge You have for me here, perhaps not single handedly sending my nieces to grad school, but other challenges I think I could handle.

So I guess that’s it. 2010 was an interesting one. Lost some friends, gained some more. Cried a little, laughed far more than that. Didn’t write nearly enough, but I started a pretty cool blog; You should probably read it sometime when You’re not dispatching angels. Thanks for my friends, for my family, my parents, and my job. Hopefully when I write this version of this letter next year I’ll be doing so as a better dude based on this year’s request.

Thanks, God!

Happy New Year, all. Love one another.

Skrap

Categories: Attempts at Seriousness, So Incredibly Random | Tags: , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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